What Are You Trying To Prove? And To Who?

As a business owner, or as someone who aspires to have their own business, you are automatically a dreamer.

I know this because it takes being a dreamer to dream up the possibility of not going the standard route in life. Dreamers are freedom seekers, and if you interviewed a thousand business owners about their core driving values in life, you would find that Freedom is ALWAYS #1.

That freedom may look like different things, for some it’s freedom for their family, freedom of time, freedom of creative expression, freedom of schedule, financial freedom, freedom to chart your own path your own way, or any other combination of freedoms.

So as a dreamer, who is in constant pursuit of greater freedoms, and new and ever-expanding possibilities, you naturally have goals. Maybe one big goal, or maybe many little goals, that you’re working towards achieving in your life.

But one of the key ingredients in making your dreams come true is to make sure those dreams are wholly your own.

Let me explain… you see a lot of times our dreams get all tangled up with subconscious drives to prove our worth in certain areas. This usually happens in ways we’re not aware of and do not recognize. And it’s not always a BAD thing that it started that way, but it IS important that you reclaim those things for yourself.

So let me ask you: what are you trying to prove with all you do?

I know this can feel uncomfortable but just ask. An easy way to find out is to find out in what ways you will feel vindicated, or validated when that dream comes true? Who will you say a silent “I told you I could do it” to? Why? Another really great way to find this out is to ask yourself what you most want people to say to you and validate in you? Because whatever it is… that’s the part of yourself you’re trying to reclaim.

I learn best by example, so I’m going to share some of my own subconscious drives that I’ve uncovered in my journey so that it might help you find some of yours.

Here are some things that I was trying to prove (which highjacked my dreams until I saw what I was doing and reclaimed them one by one):

1. I was trying to prove I was smart enough.

2. I was trying to prove I was talented enough.

3. I was trying to prove I was successful enough.

4. I was trying to prove I knew what I was doing.

5. I was trying to prove I could trust myself.

6. I was trying to prove it was okay to follow my heart.

7. I was trying to prove you really can believe in “impossible things”.

The reality, of course, is that no amount of external validation will ever be enough to prove that to me. The reality is, me and my own permission was always enough — and so are you and yours.

But when you don’t know that, and you don’t feel that, you try to gain that feeling through other people. Maybe through your family, or maybe through your friends, or maybe through complete strangers on the internet.

But in trying to prove something in the pursuit of your dream, your dream becomes no longer really yours, but theirs. You’ve taken it out of your hands, out of your heart, and out of your power, and inadvertently given it over to them.

And darlin’, they didn’t even want it! 😉

Somewhere along the line, we get it in our heads that we somehow aren’t really worthy of having our dream, or that we can’t really have that, and so we think the only way to feel it is through them. That it can’t be true until they say it is. And even then… even if they DID… we’d look for someone else we have to prove it to, in order to keep confirming our OWN disbelief.

The real problem, however, is that now your motivation is about proving something, instead of about doing something you love, and it muddies your focus and every decision and action you take. Because the energy behind it is one of lack, rather than love, and alignment with your purpose. And not only that, but if you do prove it, it will all have been for THEM and not YOU, and thus will feel totally empty when you get it.

Trying to trust yourself, your worth, your vision and your dreams through the approval of other people, is like trying to quench your thirst dumping water in someone else’s well. You’ll find yourself parched shouting “fuck! I don’t get why my well is still dry when I’m dumping all this water in!

Pssst…. you’re not at your well, honey.

This is when you lovingly grab your little self by the shoulders and lead yourself back to the well that is YOURS.

Take a look at the number of times you have been told wonderful things about yourself or your dreams — is it ever enough?? Does it shift you in your bones? Does it make you absolutely sure of yourself? Or does it drain out like sand through a sieve?

Whatever you’re trying to prove, and whoever you’re trying to prove it to… you don’t have to. It won’t help. It’s sand through a sieve sweet pea… sand through a sieve.

What you really want… what you want most in this world, is to know, deep in your bones that you’re enough. And that you can trust yourself and your own vision. You wish to know that for yourself. Above all voices.

You wish to grant yourself your OWN permission. Permission to follow your heart wheresoever it leads.

Sometimes we need to borrow other people’s permission for a while until we find our way to our own, and that’s normal and totally okay. But eventually comes a time to reclaim that, because otherwise, it’s like tar on the wheels of your dreams.

Are you ready to reclaim it? If not, that’s okay. We’re ready when we’re ready. You’re worthy of all the love, right where you are. And if you are? You go girl. (or boy) 🙂

❤ xo,
Sunni

P.S. If you want more pep-talks like this to your inbox, get on my list and get my free guide on how to Own Your Worth to Own Your WEALTH at saltyolivedesign.com/worth

Business & money mindset mentor, writer, and creator of the Feast or Famine No More Course, I help people make more money doing more of what they love.

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