Are You Secretly Afraid of Money?

When I was 11 years old I won a state-wide California playwriting contest for my play entitled ‘The Greed Seed’, a contest wherein the winning few submissions out of many thousands of entries would be performed throughout the state by a Sacramento Theater Production Company put on, at the time, by Timothy Busfield.

And it occurred to me this morning, while remembering this, that although I thought writing about money was a relatively new thing to me, I’ve actually been writing about it since I was a kid. And although the play was written from my then place of deep misunderstanding and inner conflict about it, I see now there was also the seed of my greater wisdom about it therein.

On the surface it looked to be a play about the consequences of greed, and how that was a horrible thing, and ruined people and families. It looked to be about the classic fears and stories we’ve all learned and have been told about money and what it does to people, and how it can hurt people and corrupt them… but what it was really about, and what greed is really about, is:

Scarcity: the firm belief in “there is not enough”.

Greed arises from lack and scarcity mindset, because that mindset says that money is like a pie, there are only so many pieces of it, and so you must hoard, fight-for, and protect your piece at any cost. And when you believe there is not enough, you will fight and compete for survival.

The flip side of this is that you will continually forfeit for your piece—your money, your security and safety—in the name of being “good” and “pure of heart”, and to remain within the safe confines of your people, your socioeconomic class, your “tribe”.

In BOTH cases you will continually make yourself, and others, into dichotomies of good and bad, right and wrong, worthy and unworthy, deserving and undeserving, in order to dehumanize and thus disconnect so you can feel more comfortable with your current reality.

This us against them, me and mine vs. yours mindset HURTS. It hurts us all, no matter which side of the equation you find yourself on.

Greed stems from this fundamental belief in lack, and it simply would not exist without it. If there were truly a firmly rooted subconscious belief in plenty, greed would never arise.

Ideas of power and control and dominance are all based on this deep belief in scarcity. And there is not a single one of us that has not been affected by this belief, and still carrying it on some level.

In my play, a beloved family receives a seed, a magical seed of sorts which at first brings them great joy but then quickly turns into a huge fight that tears them apart, each one trying to hoard it for themselves, overcome by its perceived power. But in the end, the seed is planted, and it springs forth from the earth and grows big and tall and strong, providing enough for them all.

I thought back then that my play was a moral story about the dangers of greed, but it was really about the dangers of scarcity. This harmful, hurtful belief in “not enough”. And what can happen when that idea is let go—cooperation instead of competition, and abundance enough for us all. I thought it was about greed, but really, it was about abundance.

There was a time in my life when I couldn’t even SAY the word money without feeling squeamish. I was afraid of money, and I made it, and me, bad for having this perpetual yet undeniable love/hate, push/pull relationship with it. I was ashamed, and tried my best to stuff these feelings for a very, very long time.

But greed, and the harmful behaviors associated with it, have nothing to do with money. They have to do with having a limited perception of resources, an insurpassable ceiling of possibility.

Money is totally neutral, like water. It can be extremely helpful, or harmful, depending on how it’s being used. If you don’t believe me, just look at how people have killed eachother over food, water, or any other natural resources. Look at how people even kill eachother over “love”. And we don’t consider love or water evil, now do we? The same belief in scarcity drives those actions just the same.

But just like water, money is literally everywhere. Some places you may have to dig really freakin’ deep to find it, but it’s there. It’s literally everywhere. It’s even invisibly there in the air we breathe. In great oceans, and in dew drops. It’s always in motion, always moving, even when it seems pooled and still, it’s being evaporated and rained back down a new way.

People have killed eachother over coffee, tea, and shoes, for god sakes. And we don’t make those things evil either. Somehow tea and shoes are still innocent.

So is money.

When resources are viewed as a pie… people are made powerless. Because that means whoever has the most pieces, has the power, and there is no hope for the rest. That is where the war begins.

When resources are viewed as an infinite flow—an exchange with no real pin-pointable beginning or end—people are made powerful. Tremendous energy that’s been tied up in fear, pain, and survival, is freed up for creative ideas and expression, for solutions and new ways of being, doing and working.

You can take your power back right now. You can choose to opt-out of this belief in the limited pie, and the power struggles and pain that ensue. We can stop fighting over the seed, and just plant it.

And see how it provides for us all.

What scares us the most is not money, but the idea that money so cleverly covers up… that we are ultimately alone, on our own, and disconnected from the whole. The whole of ourselves, and of our universe.

Returning to that connection, and to feeling ourselves both in and as that flow, is the treasure. And just like water, tea, shoes, or love — money can be used to nurture that connection.

So if you feel a twinge of pain, guilt, shame, or disdain whenever money is mentioned, you’re not alone. It is a deeply emotional topic and there is much un-learning to do.

If you fear that your hidden love of money is greed, and makes you a bad person, or that your disdain for money is righteous, and makes you a good person, you’re wrong. On both accounts.

You are an innocent harbinger of an old and harmful story, and you’ve been doing the best that you can with all that.

It’s just time to challenge those stories now.

Like the Wright brothers challenged the story that flight was not possible, like Einstein’s theory of relativity challenged the story of Ether, like Rosa Parks challenged the story that she belonged in the back of the bus and was somehow less valuable or worthy than a white man. Like anyone who has challenged any old idea that limited, and thus harmed us all.

Start investigating your fears and biases. Start challenging the status quo on money and class. Start refusing to give up your seat on the bus to those antiquated and toxic ideas.

Take back your power, and see that you actually had the power all along, and that it is NOT a limited resource at all… but your connection-point to LIFE ITSELF, and the infinite possibilities herein.

xo,
Sunni

P.S. If you want help with challenging limiting ideas and creating a life and work on your terms, you can find me here and also here »